Prescription for cyanide

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

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Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it
seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems
like a minute. THAT'S relativity. - Albert Einstein

The
brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in
the morning and does not stop until you get into the office. - Robert Frost

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it. - Franklin P. Jones

1. Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence (a life sentence).

2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.

3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her masters.

4. Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffeRING.

A picture of you got so heavy and fell off the wall!

You are diagnosed with the flesh-eating virus, and the doctor gives you 22 more years to live!

You put mayonnaise on an aspirin!

You go to the zoo and the elephants throw you peanuts!

Your driver's license says, "Picture continued on other side."!!

You ran away and they had to use all four sides of the milk carton for your picture!

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1. No one can ruin your day without YOUR permission.

2. Most people will be about as happy, as they decide to be.

3. Others can stop you temporarily, but only you can do it permanently.

4. Whatever you are willing to put up with is exactly what you will have.

5. Success stops when you do.

6. When your ship comes in.... make sure you are willing to unload it.

7. You will never have it all together.

"The greatest gift I ever had Came from God, and I call him Dad!”-- Anonymous

"A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again. “-- Enid Bagnold

"The father who does not teach his son his duties is equally guilty with the son who neglects them.”-- Confucius

"Fatherhood is pretending the present you love the most is soap-on-a-rope."-- Bill Cosby

"You know, fathers just have a way of putting everything together.”-- Erika Cosby

Girls' relationship with guys is a bigger mystery
than girls themselves. It's not just about boyfriends, we're talking
about guy friends that gals have.

Do
you have a gal who is just a friend? Are you confused why the frequency
of calls increases as exams come closer? Or why she always hangs around
with the moron who isn't fit to wear Jeetendra's white shoes? Here's a
ready reckoner for you:

* % just a friend % *

Well,
you are like a show piece in my house. I will call you whenever I need
you. If you call me home the chances are 9 out of 10 times she might
say, "Oh Rahul, I am going out can you call me after 2 days??"

Rahul: "Where are you going Sanjana??"

Sanjana: "None of your business" and bangs the phone. (Useless fellow.Hmmph!).

1. The Other Side Law:

If my side of the road has a traffic jam, then I can start driving on the wrong side of the road, and all incoming cars will be rerouted via Meerut.

2. The Queue Nahin Rule:

If there is a queue of many people, no one will notice me sneaking into the front as long as I am looking the other way.

3. The Mind over Matter Law:

If a red light is not working, four cars from different directions can easily pass through one another.

4. The Auto Axiom:

If I indicate which way I am going to turn my vehicle, it is an information security leak.

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"They told me at the blood bank this might
happen."

"This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved
about in the last time management course you sent me to."

“I was working smarter - not harder. “

 "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"

"I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission
statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"

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French Kissing tips

The basics

1. Brush your teeth; get a good bath, nicely groomed and clean and fresh, before meeting the other person. There's nothing worse than kissing the rear end of a garbage truck

2. Get into a comfortable position - you can't kiss if your back feels like it's going to break. Suggestion - Sit side by side on a comfy sofa.

3. Hold your lover, firmly but gently - don't cause pain. Suggestion would be to hold the shoulders, the neck or gently on the side of the face, one side or both sides.

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